A wise bloke once said that “The best-laid schemes o’mice an ‘men gang aft agley”. Now living approximately 10 minutes from this bloke’s house means I can translate this for you as, simply, when the snow falls the world goes to the shits. In other words there are in fact 24 days until the year is out and not in fact 26 (perhaps I wasn’t paying attention but we’ll just blame the snow…).

So here is Exhibit A:

Three word review: Awesome alien amazingness.

Honourable mention?

Exhibit B clue? It’s a bit crazy.

Released 22nd October 2010

Cardiology, the title of Good Charlotte’s fifth studio album, is a simple title for a simple concept. Every song on this ‘back to their roots’ album is; from the heart, about the heart and meant to touch the heart. A concept that Good Charlotte achieve more often than not on this surprisingly likeable pop record.

As promised by the band’s infamous twin-frontmen, Benji and Joel Madden, in their twitterings, Cardiology is a grown-up version of their debut self-titled album. The over-produced dance vibe of Good Morning Revival has, thankfully, been flung into the pop ‘What Were They Thinking’ bin to keep Britney’s shaved locks and Tyra Bank’s singing career company.

Listening to first single ‘Like It’s Her Birthday’ you wouldn’t be far off in likening it to past efforts ‘Keep Your Hands off My Girl’ and ‘Dance Floor Anthem’, you know the drill – songs about what your pesky diva of a girlfriend is getting up to when you’re not looking. The only difference being; this time the lyrics are accompanied by the pop-punk tunings of The Young and the Hopeless, making it catchy, fun and more than a little good. Do you remember when this band used to be fun?

Sex on the Radio is another owed to earlier Good Charlotte. Not as strong as their single, Sex on the Radio falls victim to a little too many “oh oh oh, oh oh” type chorus fillers. But between these are sandwiched verses of sheer genius. Then you get the likes of ‘Alive’ which is just… spectacular.

Second single ‘Counting the Days’ might be nothing innovative in the world of music but who needs innovative when you can relive the music that made you smile when you were 16?

But that’s not to say this album is all fun and no bone, ‘Harlow’s Song (Can’t Dream Without You), a song about Joel Madden’s daughter, will speak to anyone who has ever loved something.  ‘Cardiology’ is a similarly sweet song – although the sound of the ventilator laced over the track straddles the notion of creepy, but with Good Charlotte this oddly fits.

Good Charlotte might have aimed to make a Blink 182 record but Cardiology is nothing like a Blink album. It’s grown-up, catchy music for the aging pop-punk fan and every Good Charlotte fan will embrace it whole-heartedly.

3/5

WELL.

After a wee chat with Shambles Miller we have an idea for an Ark feature but we need some help from you.

I’m looking for bands and music promoters/venues to tell me how they find working with each other. Think of it as blind date gigging and I’m Cilla Black. You can be bitchy or lovely but be truthful.

Have you been paid for gigs?

Have bands turned up 5 mins before their slot leading you to an early grave?

Or do you want to run off together to Gretna Green?

I’m looking for a few words (say 100-200) on how either as a band/artist you have found the business side of gigs and how promoters you have found working with bands

I’ll put these in a little collection and put them on the site.

If you’re interested you can give me an email at steph.cosway@arkmag.co.uk

Psychologists, philosophists and the wise people of our world have spent decades, centuries even, delving into the very mind of grief. They question it, second guess it and try to master it. Spring Offensive know this isn’t possible. Grief is a free demon that will haunt us all at least once in our lives. Instead, this band has created homage, no, that’s not the right word… a map. A map of grief that is as monstrous as it is beautiful.

Based on Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5-stage grief cycle this mega-single touches on each stage a person goes through during the loss of a loved one – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But don’t be fooled into thinking this is just a copy and paste song out of a textbook with a dash of research into the author. The First of Many Dreams About Monsters is, as the band say, about the act of imagining grief. A concept that is quite terrifying. Stop right now and imagine losing someone you love. Could you even escalate that feeling into words? This single is a 13-minute harrowing insight into that single thought and it is quite incredible.

Denial, the first part of this song, is not as you would expect a monologue of losing someone but rather about an intruder coming into a grieving person’s home and trying to steal this grief away, may it be a picture, a diary or anything that holds a memory, in order to make it their own. As the lyrics touch on, “he says he’s an artist, he says he’s an artist/Who will take what I miss and make it live through/bursts of noise”, Spring Offensive touch on the discomfort of making this concept single and the idea of claiming to know how someone feels as they grieve.

But like most great works of art Denial can be interpreted in many ways and it is interesting to look at the lyrics in a slightly different manner. Rather than taking this as the band stealing a picture as a way of describing grief what if we looked at it as a serial killer memorising a kill. Serial killers notoriously consider themselves to be artists and their victims mere pieces of their artwork. They keep trophies of their kills – a picture, a piece of clothing or jewellery – that will let them relive their victim’s terrified state and their family’s grief. And where do most end up? In a mental hospital, “He wants to feel the stretch so raise him up and tie him down”, sounds rather like a hospital bed.

Something which is escalated as we slip into Anger, where the only lyrics – “petrified in a lab room bell jar” – could subtly point to the infamous The Bell Jar, a novel by Sylvia Plath before she committed suicide. For those not familiar with the plot it follows a woman haunted by her monsters including her time in a mental hospital. Then switch it back to look at the cycle author Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who made the cycle after having four abortions. Sylvia Plath’s protagonist was terrified of giving birth. Bell jars and there use in medicine. The connotations are endless.

You could interrupt the lyrics of this masterpiece in a thousand different ways. It’s what makes it so epic. Every listen is like a key, it opens the door just that little bit further. May it be the little hints of sonograms in Bargaining or timber frames in Depression.

Well let’s just chuck all the textual analysis window. Do you know why? The First of Many Dreams about Monsters is a musically superb, vocally amazing 13-minute song. Every second of this song is tailored to creating a spark of monstrous grief in your ears. Call it music or art but either way you can’t help but call it great.

You can download the song for free here.

‘The Mess I Made’ is one of those annoyingly heart-wrenching songs that twists and pokes around your brain until it finds a suitably heart-broken memory to tangle itself in. This beautifully depressing song is what you might call a blessing and a curse. Sure it might take you to a not so nice place but for this song, heck, it might just be worth it.

The song explores the regret of not fighting your ground when someone breaks up with you and constantly re-playing the moment back and forth in your head imagining what you could have done to create a different outcome. Something that rings true with a lot of people out there.

This is pop music grown up. The kind of music those Westlife boys want to make when they stick on their shiny suits and destroy other people’s songs. Parachute create melodic pop for adults effortlessly in a pair of jeans.

Will Anderson has one of those voices that just speaks to you. Think Danny O’Donoghue from The Script or Ryan Tedder from One Republic. Anderson’s vocals are soft and pretty entwining with the music and lyrics of this song make for something almost perfect.

4/5

Cha-Cha want to take on the world and with two rather fabulous singles under their belts their debut album We Are… has a lot of expectations to live up to. Here’s some first thoughts:

Phonographic Love

The first single from Cha Cha’s debut album sounds a little more delicious with every listen. A refreshing morph of indie and pop this song is sure to get even the most stubborn person boogieing the night away.

Sit You Down

Songs can occasionally cause strange effects. ‘Sit Down’ causes a serious case of headtapisitis. It is impossible to listen to this song without embarking on your best impression of the Churchill dog.  Not that this is a bad thing – just a bit embarrassing on the bus.

The Fellowship

Unlike that annoying film with the hairy-footed nimwits Cha Cha’s version of the Fellowship is utterly addictive.  The second single from We Are…  it is also the album’s finest. Clever lyrics matched with pop wonderment really make for a match made in heaven.

Cherokee

Now before you think this song is a product placement agreement with Tesco a la Lady Gaga this song has nothing to do with the ‘food monster’ – probably. Perhaps not as catchy or poppy as previous songs on the album this song shows an interesting rockier side to the trio almost like an Alberta Cross/Kane mash-up.

Bring You Down

Unlike what we’ve heard of Cha-Cha before ‘Bring You Down’ is 90 seconds of stripped back acoustic delight. Close your eyes and it will transform you to a summer BBQ on the beach with a cold beer in your hand to go with the rather lovely music.

Seventies Casualty

Much like Cherokee, Seventies Casualty alludes to a more rock-based Cha-Cha but this time with a good whack of the pop vibe that makes this band so special. Not as instantly grabbing as the likes of ‘The Fellowship’ this is one of the albums growers.

Juicy Lucy

‘Juicy Lucy’, apart from having a spectacular name, is rather fabulous. It will take you back to the 90s with its Suede-like brit-pop vibe and having you dancing long into the night. You can just imagine it being used in a lip-gloss advert with some model skipping down the street. Amazing.

Second Chances

Lyrically clever this song was written to tell the story of an unsuccessful cars salesman with a shopaholic wife. But it’s not just telling a story this song is as funky as the rest of We Are… making it the perfect summer anthem.

Flashlight

Melodic and slowed down to create that ‘snuggling by the campfire’ vibe, ‘Flashlight’ is an exceptionally pretty song. The kind of song you just want to stick on repeat, lie back and let the world pass you by.

Windows

The perfect way to end an album, ‘Windows’ is a sleepy and dreamy masterpiece of guitar riffs and the occasional synth undertone. Add that to the lovely lyrics and you’ve got yourself a rather good song. Worth listening on for an added bonus too.

After being busy busy busy while off university for a week I am now back and as are my songs of the day and this is an absolute corker.

I discovered Make Sparks while looking for the best Scottish talent to feature in the launch edition of Ark Magazine in June. This is one of some exceptionaly amazing bands that will make the cut.

‘The Answer’ is all delicious Scottish droning vocals that will break your heart and sellotape it back together in a beat.

I don’t need to drone on about how amazing this song is, you just need to listen to it.

” cause my heart is beating so fast it could stutter and break”

Now you might remember Kelis for such hits as Milkshake , Trick Me and I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Stop. Forget all that ‘alright’ pop. Emptied your mind? Good. Well there is this new artist, let’s call her Kelis v.2, and she is rather FABULOUS.

Think Rihanna and Massive Attacks lovechild injected with a smidgeon of Faithless, a big old hunk of 80s and a old big cow lick of amazing. Exciting? Very. Listen. Now.

It is not often a song gives you goosebumps but worriedaboutsatan do it effortlessly in their new single ‘Heart Monitor’. I implore you listen to this haunting electronic masterpiece.

Review up soon.

http://soundcloud.com/worriedaboutsatan/sets/heart-monitor-2010

The Haus of Gaga has taken over the world so it’s only fair that she is the spotlight in my first Top 5 of the Week.

So here we are, the Top 5 Lady Gaga lyrics:

1. ‘You taste just like glitter mixed with rock and roll’ (Boys Boys Boys)

Not many lyrics can change your entire outlook on men. This one does. I now wish to troll the world randomly licking boys until I find one you tastes like glitter and rock’n'roll. Unluckily, I don’t know any lawyers.

2. ‘She’s a tramp. She’s a vamp. But she still does her dance’ (Dance in the Dark)

Every, yes, EVERY lyric in ‘Dance in the Dark’ is amazing but it has been whittled down to this little gem of ingenious. It makes you want to get out those Halloween fangs and boogie till the sun comes up.

I think the Breaking Dawn needs a cameo from the Gaga, don’t you?

3. ‘He licked his lips
Said to me
“Girl you look good enough to eat”
Put his arms around me
Said “Boy now get your paws right off me”’ (Monster)

Now one reason to love this lyric is that until a week ago I thought it was “Now get your balls right off me” which is a whole new meaning.

Instead we have a nifty little paw/monster reference. Not QUITE as good as mine but still…

4. ‘I wanna kiss you
But if I do then I might miss you, babe
It’s complicated and stupid
Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid
Guess he wants to play, wants to play
A love game, a love game’ (Lovegame)

‘Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid’ – oh Gaga.

5. ‘I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me
Papa, paparazzi
Baby, there’s no other superstar, you know that I’ll be
Your papa, paparazzi’

Now Sting tried to romanticize with ‘ Evert Breath You Take’ but that just sounds a bit scary. Who wouldn’t want Lady Gaga following them round Morrisons?